So...

the conversation went like this (as he was changing clothes in my room before we went shopping/out to dinner at Carrabbas's):

Him: Man, I think these jeans are getting looser (big grin)

Me: Good for you, Baby! I never could get how you guys wear your pants under your belly, though...that would drive me nuts.

Him: You should have seen when my belly was really big...it used to really pooch out over my belt. Drove my first wife crazy.

Me: Your what did you say?

Him: My first wife. Thought I'd start calling her that, since you probably don't want to hear her name too much.

Me: Well, I appreciate that, honey.

Him: Besides, it has certain implications, wouldn't you say?

Me: (big smile) yes, I think you're right...as in if she's the first wife, then there's going to definitely be a second wife?

Him: Oh yeah, you can count on that.

Me: And we're already picked this goddess out?

Him: Yep.

Me: And that goddess would be me? (even bigger smile)

Him: Baby, you're the only goddess I know, and the only one I need to know.


Needless to say, it was a wonderful afternoon. We have so much fun together, he and I. We sing along with the radio, laugh so much it hurts sometimes, shop, walk hand-in-hand, steal kisses whenever possible, and it's all so comfortable, so RIGHT.

He told me that he and the first wife were never really "in love," that it was more like friends who decided to get married. He said he loves me in a completely different way than he loved her. He said the difference is passion...he never had a passion for her like he does for me.

I always heard the saying "love is friendship that has caught fire." I never truly believed it until he came along. It is possible to have someone be your lover and your best friend.

My best friend starts nursing school tomorrow. He's so excited that he won't sleep a wink tonight. I'm so proud of him.

A Rose Remembered...

This is a rose that has been gone for three years now...I took the photo at a little park in Dunlap, TN, about an hour from my home. There had been a soft spring shower, and each petal was still trembling with the rain's kiss.

I was there to see a man, a man I had pined for, yearned for, loved with all my heart since I was a little girl. I had known him all my life--he was there the day I was born. From the time I was three, people would ask me what I wanted to do when I grew up, and I would say I wanted to marry him and be a teacher.

Life doesn't always work the way we planned as kids, as we all know. If it did, we'd be a world full of cowboys, ballerinas, astronauts, movie stars, and rock stars. I took a path chosen by parents and guidance counselors after high school, and pursued a degree in accounting. Halfway through I flunked out, bored out of my mind and depressed beyond measure. I worked secretarial jobs for almost 15 years until my chance came to go back to college to be what I should have been in the first place--a teacher. Now I go to work every day with a smile on my face and heart full of love. No drug, no amount of money, nothing could give me the same high that comes from teaching these kids. It may have taken until age 35, but I became that teacher.

As for marrying him, that path led to what I first thought was a dead-end. I dated a bit during the time I waited for him to "see the light," to see how much I loved him and how good I would be for him, and just when I thought he had finally changed, he broke my heart beyond forgiveness. I didn't think I would get over it.

Turns out, I should thank him. It seems that the dead-end was really just a fork in the road; he forced me to take the other direction, the other path. On that other path I found what turned out to be the most wonderful man in the world. If my life-long flame had continued his "come here, go away" ways, I would never have allowed myself to open my heart to the man I'm going to marry someday...

So here's to a rose that reminds me of many things--the beauty you can still find in this world, the dreams that can come true, and the dreams that don't come true, but lead you to even better ones.

A sort-of Anniversary...

It was five months ago, as of yesterday...five months since my life changed completely.

At forty, I had given up on love; I figured it was something for other people, not for me. The Prince Charming I longed for as a little girl had been replaced along the way by hopeful contenders, broken promises, broken hearts, wishes left unfulfilled. I longed for a man who would never love me, broke the heart of a wonderful man who tried to love me, drifted away from a man who tried (as I did) to make it work, but in the end realized the current was too strong against us.

I had resigned myself that forty was the time to start thinking spinsterhood was my only option. It wasn't the path I had chosen--it had chosen me.

Then, out of the blue, along comes a message from a friend of one of my student's parents. He had heard good things about me...would I like to meet for coffee? Never one to turn down coffee (especially if it's free), I thought, "why not...what do I have to lose?"

Turns out, I had the whole world to gain.

I walked in, and here was this big handsome bear of a man, blonde hair and smiling green eyes that sparkled when he saw me. We were comfortable right away; there was none of that awkward first-date conversation. We talked as if we had known each other all our lives. Two and a half hours passed like minutes. We didn't even notice there was a major thunderstorm going on outside until the servers at the coffeehouse told us.

When it came time to go, Greg asked me to stand under the awning while he went to his car in the pouring rain to get an umbrella for me. That was the moment I started to fall in love with him, only I didn't know it at the time.

It's been five months, and this sweet, wonderful man has proven to be my Prince Charming...I found him after all. He is kind, thoughtful, understanding, romantic, soft-hearted, and so loving that it astonishes me. He never fails to tell me I'm beautiful every day. He is a wonderful father to his son, and he is anxious for the day he will make me a wonderful husband. Sometimes he drives me crazy, but he always makes me happy. He's my companion, my lover, my confidante, my protector, and my best friend.

Here's to five months, and to the lifetime to come...

Randomocity

Just some thoughts that have been running through my head lately...

You know the SUV commercial where the guy goes out the front door and parasails off a cliff to get to his vehicle to go to work? How in the heck does he get back to the house at night? Does his wife get tired of packing his chute every night? I would...

Why is it that in big cities like Chicago they have Starbucks right across the street from each other?

Why is it that so many people will find a pen in their house that doesn't write, then throw it back in the drawer where the found it? Throw the damn thing away!

Truth be told, not EVERYBODY loves Raymond...

There are certain albums (yes, I'm over 40, so I'm allowed to call them albums) that are perfect for rainy days...example: Carole King's "Tapestry," Joni Mitchell's "Court and Spark," anything by Michael Hedges.

I have a guilty addiction to the Will Smith movie "I, Robot." I don't know why I love it, but I do...I will watch it over and over and never get tired of it.

Starbucks Verona coffee is the shizznit...liquid orgasm.

Love is wasted on teenagers. I sincerely believe you don't truly appreciate love until you hit your 30s at least. Before that, it's just hormones. After that, it's hormones, friendship, and life experience...a great combination.

If I were to find out I was dying tomorrow and had a chance at one last meal, it would be a wheel of good ripe brie, a loaf of warm french bread, fresh creamery butter, some fresh sweet sun-ripened pears, and a lovely bottle of wine.

If I could have dinner with 4 people living or dead they would be Pablo Neruda, Dorothy Parker, Nelson Mandela, and John Lennon. Can you imagine the conversation?

The sexiest parts of a man are his eyes, his upper arms, his hands, and that lovely slope between his shoulders and his neck...

The most intoxicating smell I've ever encountered has to be the scent of jasmine growing along the walls of our hotel in Rome last spring...

I hate girly drinks with fruit, umbrellas, etc. If I am going to drink I want either a good dark imported beer, a vodka tonic, or a gin and tonic.

I suppose that's enough randomocity for now...maybe more later. Ciao.

Everything is still, except for the breeze...

Late summer nights have a magic all their own. I'm sitting with the window open (finally, it has cooled off a bit), and a breeze whispers in, bringing chirps, clicks, burps and bellows from any number of unknown but benign creatures of the dark. The room, the house, the world is so still I can hear the tick of my watch, marking the passing of time, my summer, my life.

The air smells of freshly-mown grass, sweetpeas, and the distant promise of rain. I think of all the plans made in May that never came to pass, all the beautiful lazy days, how I wish I could make nights like this last forever.

In my childhood, summer passed in the blink of an eye, although some days seemed to go on forever. As a teen, there was never enough summertime. Now there's never enough time, period. I suppose that's why I notice the little things lurking in the summer night now; their voices are a chorus of song written just for me. The breeze is even sweeter when you know what a gift it is to feel it against your skin. You really live when life is half over--the second half is so much better because you appreciate it. As Bonnie Raitt says, "Life gets mighty precious when there's less of it to waste."

me...

Summer's Almost Over...

This is the first time in my teaching career that I haven't been ready to go back to work at the end of summer vacation. Usually, by the beginning of July, I'm missing my "kids" and wishing I was back in the classroom. I've usually tried to read all the books I've saved up over the fall, winter, and spring, cleaned the house, done the home improvement projects, etc., and I'm ready to get back to doing what I love.

This summer was different, however...this summer was (dare I say it?) my "summer of love."

We didn't go anywhere remote, tropical, or exotic; we did spend a couple of nights at either his place or mine whenever we had the chance (meaning, without either my gracefully aging mother or his 7-year-old son to look after). We also spent a couple of weekends at a friend's house watching her dogs and cats. Those were the best times...cooking dinner, cuddling up on the couch watching TV, sleeping in the same bed..."playing house," as we called it.

We took his son to his first drive-in movie, went twice by ourselves, went camping, went shopping, saw lots of movies (the best being "Superman Returns" in 3D IMAX--wow!), we hung out with family and barbequed, grocery shopped...basically, we were a family.

In about a month, Greg will be in nursing school every day, and I'll be well back into the groove of work. I don't want to stop teaching, but I would love a magic timepiece to turn this summer back about a month or so. I'm not ready for it to end. I've had a taste of what my future is going to be like, and I love it.